Monday, May 28, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Thursday, December 01, 2011
conversations with sugar
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Tuesday, November 22, 2011
white squirrel!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
why it's okay to rent part 75
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Friday, July 01, 2011
squirrel tidbits
finding this nut-eating golf-playing squirrel fake-collared sweatshirt at goodwill. he has a rhinestone eye.
going to see a week-old baby. he was probably smaller than this squirrel. the whole time i was there he was sleeping, healthy, and pink.
watching kevin compose an ode to holden on a terrible dented manual typewriter - "The Bowels of Heaven"
ALSO one of the people in the following photo will be doing 5 minutes of stand-up comedy next tuesday july 5 at the magnetic field in asheville's river arts district. (event link here.)
i consider stand up comic to be the scariest job in existence. i would rather change the light bulbs on top of bridges.
happy 4th of july! hope your bombs burst in air.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
5 Nut peanut! 5 Nut peanut!
then there are way too many 1 nut peanuts. so much work for so little reward.
very rarely will i find a good 4 nut peanut. i am always grateful when i do.
i have heard of the mystical 5 nut peanut, but until last night never really believed they existed. kevin swore he had one a couple months ago, but then squirrelled the nuts into his mouth too fast before i could do a proper accounting.
but last night it all came together and i reached in the bowl and pulled out a real live 5 NUT PEANUT!
5 NUT PEANUT! 5 NUT PEANUT!
i feel like meryl streep in adaptation hunting the white ghost orchid. or ahab in moby dick hunting humps like snowhills.
it's a great feeling!
*****
EDIT: just checked wikipedia ("peanut") and now i believe this peanut really was a wonder of nature! they don't even acknowledge the fact that 5 seed pods EXIST!
The fruits have wrinkled shells that are constricted between pairs of the one to four (usually two) seeds per pod.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Thursday, November 11, 2010
what would cause your carpal tunnel?
another possible cause of my nonexistent carpal tunnel would be the game minesweeper. i have gone through phases where i played that game 8 hours a day. usually while procrastinating from studying.
Monday, August 30, 2010
introducing chippy
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
squirrel with his piano - poll
an eBay seller in the UK stuffs squirrels and poses them in adorable positions.
for instance, this "Wild Grey Squirrel With His Piano."
he also does a squirrel riding a horse, squirrel with a gun and top hat, and squirrel riding a motorcycle.
if anyone is ever struggling with a gift idea for me, one of these would be a surefire hit.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
RIP Vintage Vantage (2001-2010)
the vintage vantage death announcement was published this morning, announcing an everything must go liquidation sale, all shirts are half price or less. the 40% off coupon code 'skippyhaha' still works, on top of the discount.
it has been a wild ride full of chaos and chuckles.
vintagevantage started as lone ebay seller john keddie selling vintage t-shirts out of a tiny garage in ocean beach san diego california in 2001.
in 2002 i was about to graduate law school in chapel hill and selling vintage myself on ebay for some money, and emailed vintagevantage fanmail because I thought they were doing a great job.
one email led to another and i met up with john a month later at a widespread panic festival in colorado. we couldn’t find camping and set up tent in a taco bell, were woken up by the Denver sheriff who ran our licenses and let us stay.
2 months later he moved to charlotte where i just started working for a law firm uptown. we came up with 'we be illin' sacred hear
1 month later i quit my job and we moved to ventura california, driving nonstop for 2 days with holden on the passenger's lap.
we sold mounds of dirty old t-shirts on ebay, and modeled every one of them. we started coming up with more and more 'originals' and working with factories to make supersoft t-shirts in flattering cuts. that was a shitty process, i didn’t really deal with it.
we got recognized by strangers at music festivals and on the streets. i didn’t like that.
we got married.
we got nacho.
people asked heather.
we moved to pacific beach san diego.
we met a bunch of awesome people across the street.
we hired matt duerr to manage the growing warehouse and do sales.
we made up the ‘voting is for old people’ shirt and caused quite a stir, Russell Simmons hated it, MTV hated it, the san diego news came to our house. it was awesome.
we moved to hillcrest for a couple months, and then moved to encinitas, where we had a pool and a living room full of trampolines and a bitchin 80’s homecoming dance.
we had a contest and took 8 people to amsterdam for 4 days to film 'vintage vantage and the disappearing corn dog.' there was a lot of footage but no movie came out of that trip. yet. i peed myself on the street in amsterdam laughing so hard, at what i have no idea.
Matt quit for a more stable job, and John moved the warehouse and operations up to San Francisco.
I moved to Asheville.
Things quieted down, but we kept coming up with newer better funnier t-shirts, and selling the best real vintage from the 70s and 80s online. We started making t-shirts for bands – ALO, Tea Leaf Green, Guadalajara Joe…awesome shirts for awesome bands.
The inventory was hugely swollen and the sales were down. We are not good business people. The economy went to crap. We didn’t adjust. The interest on a loan from Bank of America ate all our profits. No good offers to buy the business materialized and now we have to liquidate.
I plan on selling vintage t-shirts on my own, on ebay and on etsy, possibly on the vintagevantage.com website if I can arrange that in the next few months. And I’ll keep making peanut butter stash safes.
John is starting a new t-shirt company with a well-established LA partner and their future looks bright.
Nacho will continue hopping through life like an arctic bunny.
All is well.
Some of my favorite t-shirts over the years have been:
the pantychrist -
Fork my life -
Duluth, Duluth Duluth is on fire (burn Minnesota burn) -
Minivan Mega Fun
Jesus loves immigrants
Made a shirt with my dad on it -
And one with holden on it -
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Wednesday, June 16, 2010
walmart parking lot
these folks were squealing around the walmart in sylva, NC yesterday.
i thought it was illegal, but it isn't. here's a list of state laws about riding in the back of pickup trucks:
http://www.iihs.org/laws/cargoAreas.aspx
also spotted yesterday - a hissing hawk protecting its dead squirrel after pecking its eyes out
Thursday, June 10, 2010
conversation on a plane
flight attendant: peanuts or pretzels?
flyer: penis.
flight attendant: peanuts?
flyer: yes, penis.
flight attendant hands over tiny pouch of peanuts.
Wednesday, June 09, 2010
nacho's birthday ice cream
nacho had some peanut butter doggie ice cream from the hop for his birthday. he enjoyed it thoroughly.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
happy birthday nacho!
today is nacho's 7th birthday. he got a baby pool to swim in, he is going for a walk to the pond, and later he will get peanut butter flavored doggie ice cream from the hop.
he is a clown dog, he always makes me laugh, and he is soft like a bunny with bucked teeth and an oversized gullet.
his latest nickname is fluffycups.
Friday, April 09, 2010
banana peel squirrel
you'll feel better next time you throw a banana peel out the window and say 'the squirrels will use it for a nest.'
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
mini mountainranges
we got about 5 inches of snow today. and coincidentally also 5 lbs of peanuts in the mail.
nutsonline.com is awesome.
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
deer carcass
there's a squirrel stuck in the chimney. or a raccoon. i heard banging yesterday and closed the glass doors on the fireplace. this morning i could hear it scratching its little claws against the metal trying to get out. i'm going to do nothing about it because i'm paralyzed by fear. i need clark griswald to come over and catch it in the coat, smack it with a hammer.
the aerogarden is doing great, italian basil is in the lead, the only one sprouting already.
the tar heels are looking okay this season, but nothing sparkly and spectacular like last year. last year i loved danny green, ty lawson, and wayne ellington. this year, i like marcus ginyard and ed davis. the freshmen have not dazzled me, and zeller looks like he should play for duke. and poor roy williams and his shoulder, looked like he was in a lot of pain as he won his 600th game the other night.
it's december first already, going to be 60 and sunny today here in charlotte, can't really complain about that.