in Senor Hoffmann’s 10th grade Espanol, i threw a listening comprehension
cassette tape out the second-floor classroom window
while El Profesor was out of the room &
everybody saw me do it –
after Mitchell Kent bet me $5 i wouldn’t
Once El Profesor realized the tape was gone, he freaked
his stooped little bald headed thick-ass glasses-ed
self out & announced his plan to ferret out
the criminal(s) – which was more homework
for everybody, more quizzes, and bringing in
Dr. Sullivan (aka Dr. Vullisan) the slick smirky steely Asst. Principal
and the singling out of the 1
kid in the class of color as the likely perp.
he was from the
named Alfonso Hernandez mr. charming &
he was getting blamed for it if nobody (me)
stepped up and admitted it. The reason Al got blamed is
because i’d written a note to El Professor
in semi-broken Espanol (thereby throwing him off
my trail – i had bueno enspanol) saying that
“I threw the tape out the window & ‘the
machine that eats the grass ate the tape’”-
which was true – by the time i
looked for the tape the next week, it was
gone, in its place cut grass.
so Al was getting blamed, Dr. Sullivan was
called in, El Profesor wasn’t letting it
go like i'd thought he would and
fucking Mitchell kent that rat
bastard hadn’t given me $5.
so i fessed up & had to go
to Dr. Sullivan’s office & explain it &
he was kind of laughing the whole
time & instead he talked about writing
his dissertation on Eliot’s “The Hollow Men”
and gave me a copy of the
poem out of his file cabinet to keep &
it was about men stuffed with
straw of clothes stuffed with straw and
just about how fake everything is. So he let me off with a
copy of “The Hollow Men” & a bill for $35.50
to replace the whole set of tapes
from D.C. Heath Publishing Company.
El Profesor had to think it was funny deep
down, too & Al was proud of me for
coming clean i’ll never forget his eyes
in class when he realized he was the one
being singled out wrongly accused
in the end we’re
all alright
except for fucking Mitchell kent who
never gave me my $5
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7 comments:
A+ That tape is the evil root of the shady Hollow.
i can't believe you have all of that stuff from your past...too cool.
Kid D
what was the first tape you threw out the window? can't find that entry.
Good question Panda. What was the first tape?
thanks yall. the first tape was lionel richie 'can't slow down' i threw from my mom's moving car on route 95 after just one too many "love will find a way''s. 'running with the night was awesome, but the crap ballads were too much. it was steady in the tape deck for a few years of NY to RI road trips.
See ok I was complaining about this woman that owed me $5 and everyone kept telling me, calm down not a big deal. But it's the principle of it all. I let her in my carpool, everyone else threw in $5 she said "oh I forgot my wallet" I say " oh you know what thats ok" then.....then! she tells me "I am going to bring it by your house tomorrow". After telling her she doesnt need to do that she insists. I thought "what a nice gesture, you help her out she helps you out." She never brought it....never. So I feel you skippy, I feel ya loud and clear.
right on melissa. we're like the paperboy in 'better off dead' = "i want my two dollars!" that's my least favorite part of one of my favorite movies. anyway, i don't know how our bet squelchers can sleep at night, i really don't.
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